Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi
Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 11048
Location: Portgordon, Scotland
|
 Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2008 8:15 am Post subject: Networking for networkers masterclass - What a speaker!!! |
 |
|
I must confess to feeling a little nervous as I entered La Hacienda Conference suite as I had never been to a networking seminar let alone a masterclass. The guest speaker was Pam Guisley of ConnXshuns. From her demeanour I should say that her name was pronounced PAM!
7pm prompt she took to the stage to a musical backing track “Coz I luv you” by Slade. On came the screen for PAMS’! powerpoint presentation, it was white and read “Batt low >:UserPrompt_BadCommand”
PAM! made the mistake of pointing to the screen without looking at it.
“The first mistake all networkers make!” she announced with a rye smile. Stifled titters from the audience. “You may laugh” she continued, showing that she was in control of the situation “but you’d be amazed at how many times I see that”. PAM! flicked her blonde black rooted hair and turned with a flourish to face the screen. “So what is the b………..Oh right! Er…….um, Derek………can you………um”. The event organiser scuttles on stage and starts to faff around (a technical term) with the laptop on the lectern.
PAM! was wearing a lavalier or lapel mic with a radio pack so she could move around the stage.
“Do you all have your business cards with you and are SNAP-CRACKLE (Strong Kent male accent)….Car six four. That dippy tart from the massage parlour has asked for you personal, fare to 39 Winston…..WHISTLE……(PAM!)in any situation”.
Every audience member is holding a business card aloft, they look puzzled and then gingerly lower their hands.
WHOOSH CRACKLE ZAP….(KENT CAB CONTROLLER AGAIN) NO six four cash this time no favours ….PAM! (forced laugh) “Obviously having a few technical difficulties…………….” Suddenly we are all nearly deafened by Slade singing Coz I luv you and the Windows start up chimes.
With a cigarette between his lips and a coffee in his hand a techie walked on stage. His T shirt read “Wheel oil beef Hooked”. He put his coffee down and removed the mic from PAM! and gave her a handheld one, then he went to the laptop entered something and the Powerpoint burst into life.
“er….thank you Adrian” said PAM!
“Aidan” he said nodding his head.
PAM! Looked at us thoughtfully. “Would you prefer to grow you business organically or leverage it using the power of networking? Most people ask me in my capacity as an executive enabling consultant which are the best ways. My answer is always the same one thing. Your business deserves the power of levers and that requires initiative, courage, technique and easy to read business cards”. The point was lost on me as was the powerpoint slide showing a mobile home on a caravan site in Rhyll. I did an ordinary point, as opposed to a powerpoint.
“Sorry, we have a lot to get through so could we leave questions to the end” said PAM! flashing me a great white shark smile. The slide changed to a couple in their 60’s holding two West Highland white terriers.
“Held properly, I think you can all see the impact. Who wouldn’t put one of these in their pockets to use later?” Derek drops his head into his hands as the slide changes to the image of a drunken girls night out, PAM! looked interesting as a St Trinian’s schoolgirl swigging from a vodka bottle. Her ample cleavage was bursting out of the white blouse. “For a business woman, ideal meeting attire, no prizes for guessing where there was plenty of room to keep my business cards” the statement was followed by the experts all knowing, superior nod. Next slide.
“You need to be honest, how do you feel about your potential clients or those in your (makes inverted comas sign in the air with her fingers) network”.
“NO!” exclaimed Derek. The audience laughs out loud! The slide is of PAM! being sick all over a Policeman.
The stage lights go off plunging the room into darkness, the mic is turned off. Aidan the techie thought it best to arrange a power failure. PAM! a true professional speaker did what any pro can do, find a stage door in the dark and call a taxi home. |
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
