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Critique of my Commercial Demo-May 2018
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Moosevoice
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Joined: 16 Nov 2012
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Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 9:18 am    Post subject: Critique of my Commercial Demo-May 2018 Reply with quote

I'd love to hear some thoughts on this rough cut of my commercial demo.
Gotta add a couple more things (get 'er up to 1 minute) and get the levels evened out (they're not too far off right now) but I wanted to get some input/critique on this demo.
https://soundcloud.com/moosevoice/moose-warywoda-commercialdemo2018-ruff/s-9XL7L
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Bruce
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 9:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's very "I'm a radio guy" to me. Almost all of the cuts have the pushy, breathy sound of a disc jockey. Even the last cut (Centerra?) while a more natural read was very compressed so it sounded like it was a radio station spot. Also because of this, little of your own personality came through. How are you different from all of the other radio guys?

While I'm sure there's work for radio people out there, you'll open yourself up to a much bigger world of possibilities if you pull back on the reads and pull back on the productions effects.

B
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Bob Bergen
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 9:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Agree with Bruce. Now this may just be your style. But vo is not about the voice, it's about the personality behind the voice. Not quite sure what yours is from your demo. You do that announcer read great. But it's a little dated for today's market.
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Rick Riley
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 10:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Moose, ya got 10 seconds to get me and that first cut didn't do it. However I went to your V123 page and clicked on your 2011 demo. I know the demo is seven years old, but the opening cut sounded more 'today' than your today demo does.

While you're making your new demo, you ought to ditch the 2011 off your V123 Demo. Nobody will know it's not recent unless you tell. them.
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Moosevoice
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 12:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome fellers. I appreciate the feedback.
I'll incorporate these into the next version.
Might need to get some coaching too.
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Art
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PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What sticks out to me is in the first one the music is so distant and washed-out compared to your voice. You sound very up front and compressed, and the music sounds unaffected.

Editing-wise, in the second one everything is more balanced, but I'm confused by, "Introducing Nissan Kicks!," and then, "I just had to." Who's saying "I just had to?" Trim that guy out.

"Red tag sales event!" That one only seems to last as long as that line before we're onto the next track. Trim that.

"Click it or ticket" and the Centera one sound the best.
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Moosevoice
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PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 1:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, did another pass incorporating some of the feedback I got here (and the wife).
Again, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Moose
https://soundcloud.com/moosevoice/moosewarywoda-commercialdemo2018-ruff-rev2/s-qhGdi

Just a heads up. I added more 'non-radio'ey' stuff on the front and took out some more of the 'announcery' stuff.
Thanks for giving a listen (or second listen).
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Art
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The production value of this one is world's apart from the previous one.

So please revert to the previous one. This one makes me feel threatened.
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Philip Banks
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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Individuality, personality, affability and your unique inner performer. Everything else? They got a plug-in for that.

Bon chance!
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Moosevoice
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did a new pass. Jeff Berlin approved but would love to hear some more comments/thoughts again.
https://soundcloud.com/moosevoice/moosewarywoda-commercialdemo2018
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Bailey
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, I was beginning to hear the real "you", in the Centarra clip. I believe it was before the last clip.
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Rick Riley
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moosevoice wrote:
Did a new pass.


Wait a second. A new pass. Almost a year later??? Iím guessing this wasnít a top ten on your priorities list.

Critique: You were reading about the burgers but werenít tasting them at all. And when I heard no more lines, I thought you were still talking about the burger place. No difference at all in those two reads.

Iíd lead with the ĎNo more linesÖí clip. You sound like thatís a good thing and youíre into it.

The ĎNot Forgivingí? IMO, that script is not you. Itís forced. Again, my opinion, but you donít growl well. You can do that spot with just the contrast of saying Ďnot forgiving / forgivingí without growling it.

NissanÖagain it sounds forced. And Nissan being a HUGE national spot with someone who would be very smooth in the read, with the read you gave it, it REALLY sounds forced.

TEXDOT. Again, youíre not telling them they better buckle up, you sound like youíre trying to make buckling up sound like itís a movie trailer. Iíve done a lot of those spots for drunk driving here in Oregon (ODOT) and on the East Coast for outrunning trains at the crossing. I get hired because I have a deeper register that sounds serious, but I donít force the read. I just tell em, ĎThe train WILL stop. About a mile after it hits you.í Where Iím going here, is just TELL them! Let the copy and production (maybe a siren or a police radio in the background) reinforce the gravity of NOT doing it.

Centera. Good! Thatís something I could see you booking. Your voice and the read are perfect for that.

Youíve got a nice voice. A lot more versatile than mine. I get the serious stuff, the NFL stuff, the lower register stuff. Youíre mid-range. You can go up or down and thereís a lot of work in that range. Not to say that you canít do an intense read, but you arenít showing it in this demo and what you are showing, again, IMO, is that you CANíT do it at this point without it sounding forced. So donít do those type of reads until you can.

I rarely critique otherís demos, and NEVER at this length, but this time I did. Hope it helps.
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Moosevoice
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2019 11:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rick,
Thanks so much for the listen and thoughts.
This demo is a compilation of actual paid gigs I've done so what you hear is what the clients wanted.
I've never really cut a demo with other/scripted-just-for-demo purposes type stuff but I suppose I should do that.
Your honest critique definitely helps. Between the full-time job, shlepping for voice jobs and dealing with 2 young kids (1 which is special needs) it's hard to get to some of these important tasks sometimes.
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Rick Riley
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2019 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Moosevoice wrote:
Between the full-time job, shlepping for voice jobs and dealing with 2 young kids (1 which is special needs) it's hard to get to some of these important tasks sometimes.


Iím totally with you on that and special needs is often family duties squared.

As far as the demo, I was listening on a ĎNationalí level and while those were actual spots, it highlights the difference between how smaller, local productions vs. higher tier spots are written and produced.

If you want some hints on how to produce your own and need a little help, email me. Iíve done a lot of them and Iíll be glad to offer up what I can, no charge.
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ConnieTerwilliger
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PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2019 5:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is it terrible that I read "sleeping for voice jobs"

Quote:
Between the full-time job, shlepping for voice jobs

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