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Could not say today .....

 
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Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 11046
Location: Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 11:27 am    Post subject: Could not say today ..... Reply with quote

"Philip, it sounds a little robotic". The writer, unlike me, did not have the lung capacity of a Blue Whale but tried to give a more fluid example of how a 79 word, 142 syllable sentence SHOULD sound. T&Ps for his family and friends. First death by exhalation ever recorded.
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Bruce
Boardmeister


Joined: 06 Jun 2005
Posts: 7921
Location: Portland, OR

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 12:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It always amazes me how many writers don’t realize how inexpensive punctuation can be, especially when purchased in bulk and used liberally.


B
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VO-BB Member #31 Enlisted June, 2005

I'm not a Zoo, but over the years I've played one on radio/TV. .
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Mike Harrison
M&M


Joined: 03 Nov 2007
Posts: 2029
Location: Equidistant from New York City and Philadelphia, along the NJ Shore

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 1:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I wish more writers (commercial or narration) would read their work out loud before submitting it.
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Mike
Male Voice Over Talent
I have taken leave of my sensors.

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todd ellis
A Zillion


Joined: 02 Jan 2007
Posts: 10479
Location: little egypt

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 2:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

could you make it sound more conversational, yet 3x the speed?
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"i know philip banks": todd ellis
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Eddie Eagle
M&M


Joined: 23 Apr 2008
Posts: 2393

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Writer's thought: "It sounded good in my head."
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dwpthe3rd
Contributore Level V


Joined: 28 Feb 2010
Posts: 198
Location: Where palm trees meet pines

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Eddie Eagle wrote:
Writer's thought: "It sounded good in my head."

... And your head is where........?
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If attacked by a mob of clowns go for the juggler.

dwpthe3rd
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Lizden
A Zillion


Joined: 04 Dec 2006
Posts: 8856
Location: The dark recesses of my mind

PostPosted: Thu Aug 16, 2018 8:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dave owes me a hew keyboard! Laugh
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Liz de Nesnera O.A.V. ~ Livin' The VO Dream!
English/French Bilingual VO w/ ISDN
HireLiz.com / liz@hireliz.com
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Eddie Eagle
M&M


Joined: 23 Apr 2008
Posts: 2393

PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2018 7:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh Laugh
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