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Critique of my Commercial Demo-May 2018

 
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Moosevoice
Contributore Level V


Joined: 16 Nov 2012
Posts: 172
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 9:18 am    Post subject: Critique of my Commercial Demo-May 2018 Reply with quote

I'd love to hear some thoughts on this rough cut of my commercial demo.
Gotta add a couple more things (get 'er up to 1 minute) and get the levels evened out (they're not too far off right now) but I wanted to get some input/critique on this demo.
https://soundcloud.com/moosevoice/moose-warywoda-commercialdemo2018-ruff/s-9XL7L
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Bruce
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Joined: 06 Jun 2005
Posts: 6477
Location: Portland, OR

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 9:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's very "I'm a radio guy" to me. Almost all of the cuts have the pushy, breathy sound of a disc jockey. Even the last cut (Centerra?) while a more natural read was very compressed so it sounded like it was a radio station spot. Also because of this, little of your own personality came through. How are you different from all of the other radio guys?

While I'm sure there's work for radio people out there, you'll open yourself up to a much bigger world of possibilities if you pull back on the reads and pull back on the productions effects.

B
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Bob Bergen
DC


Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Posts: 688

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 9:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Agree with Bruce. Now this may just be your style. But vo is not about the voice, it's about the personality behind the voice. Not quite sure what yours is from your demo. You do that announcer read great. But it's a little dated for today's market.
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Rick Riley
Lucky 700


Joined: 12 Aug 2011
Posts: 759
Location: Portland, OR

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 10:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Moose, ya got 10 seconds to get me and that first cut didn't do it. However I went to your V123 page and clicked on your 2011 demo. I know the demo is seven years old, but the opening cut sounded more 'today' than your today demo does.

While you're making your new demo, you ought to ditch the 2011 off your V123 Demo. Nobody will know it's not recent unless you tell. them.
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Moosevoice
Contributore Level V


Joined: 16 Nov 2012
Posts: 172
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 12:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awesome fellers. I appreciate the feedback.
I'll incorporate these into the next version.
Might need to get some coaching too.
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Art
Contributor II


Joined: 27 Sep 2017
Posts: 59
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

PostPosted: Sun May 06, 2018 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What sticks out to me is in the first one the music is so distant and washed-out compared to your voice. You sound very up front and compressed, and the music sounds unaffected.

Editing-wise, in the second one everything is more balanced, but I'm confused by, "Introducing Nissan Kicks!," and then, "I just had to." Who's saying "I just had to?" Trim that guy out.

"Red tag sales event!" That one only seems to last as long as that line before we're onto the next track. Trim that.

"Click it or ticket" and the Centera one sound the best.
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Moosevoice
Contributore Level V


Joined: 16 Nov 2012
Posts: 172
Location: Iowa

PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 1:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, did another pass incorporating some of the feedback I got here (and the wife).
Again, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Moose
https://soundcloud.com/moosevoice/moosewarywoda-commercialdemo2018-ruff-rev2/s-qhGdi

Just a heads up. I added more 'non-radio'ey' stuff on the front and took out some more of the 'announcery' stuff.
Thanks for giving a listen (or second listen).
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Art
Contributor II


Joined: 27 Sep 2017
Posts: 59
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The production value of this one is world's apart from the previous one.

So please revert to the previous one. This one makes me feel threatened.
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Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 9832
Location: UK Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 11:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Individuality, personality, affability and your unique inner performer. Everything else? They got a plug-in for that.

Bon chance!
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