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Hello and Critique Request
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jrodriguez315
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 26 Sep 2006
Posts: 1202
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 1:53 pm    Post subject: Hello and Critique Request Reply with quote

Firstly, let me say that I have been lurking the board now for about 3 weeks even before requesting a membership. I can't tell you how impressed I am at the generosity, humor and talent I have found here. Thank you all for your contributions to this board and for making it such an invaluable resource for aspiring voice-talkers like myself.

OK, I have been working at this VO thing for a short while. I only have 1 regular client. I do dubs for a Turkish TV station here in New Jersey that is translating their entire catalog of shows into English. The work has provided me with an excellent learning opportunity but not much money. Here is a link to my website and demo (I only have 1 so far). I would appreciate your honest opinions about both the site and demo.

Also, a quick home studio question. I don't have a full-fledged home studio yet but I do have a MobilePre and a Shure SM-58 and Audacity. I have been trying to catch a Studio Projects C-1 on eBay at a good price (actually I'm hoping for ridicously low). I kinda have my heart set on that mic due to all the glowing reports I've read about it. Do you have any recommendations in the home studio set-up area for a vo guy with not much by way of disposable income?

Thanks in advance!

Joe

EDIT: I sent my demo to Internet Jock hoping to get on their talent roster and they responded thusly:

Quote:
Joe, thanks for your demo, I heard one part of your demo that I liked, the part where you say: Send Bad People to hell" We are looking for more generic reads. Please submit another demo and we will listen, take care.


My question is this: What are "more generic reads"?
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Last edited by jrodriguez315 on Wed Oct 25, 2006 11:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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mcm
Smart Kitteh


Joined: 10 Dec 2004
Posts: 2600
Location: w. MA, USA

PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 2:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joe, welcome to vo-bb!

A few comments about your demo. I really like the last two spots - great attitude and character. The other pieces didn't really grab me. On the Nissan spot, watch your diction - I heard "horseparr" instead of "horsepower". On the fertilizer piece, you have a lot of unnecessary pauses. If you could make the first spots smoother and clean up the diction they would be much better.

Your website is nice and simple - but it would be better to pay for a site where you don't have to have ads. One suggestion: put your phone number someplace else, possibly below your name. Right now my brain wants to read it as your birth and death dates =-O

Mary
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Rob Ellis
M&M


Joined: 01 Aug 2006
Posts: 2385
Location: Detroit

PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 12:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think your demo is fairly impressive for a newbie.....if you are as new as your post seems to indicate, I would say you have some innate talent and good potential....
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jrodriguez315
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 26 Sep 2006
Posts: 1202
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Tue Oct 03, 2006 1:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Miss Lovely and Talented,

Thank you so for taking the time to look at my website and listen to my demo.

Quote:
I really like the last two spots - great attitude and character
Thank you. The last spot was supposed to be more "charactery" and in fact I had a more over-the-top version that I will post at some point.

Quote:
The other pieces didn't really grab me.
Interesting. After we recorded all the spots, my producer and I went over them and felt that the first two were the strongest. That's why we put them up front.

Quote:
On the Nissan spot, watch your diction - I heard "horseparr" instead of "horsepower"
Being a Native Noo Yawka, my diction is something I try to be very careful about with some limited success. I have a particularly strong tendency to replace the, this that etc . . . with da, dis, dat etc . . . although horseparr sounds more western than newyorkese. I have been using James Alburger's cork exercise and a tongue twister of my own (the three thousand thoughts that the thinker thought are the thoughts that thinkers think) to try and kill the "das" and it's gotten better but still not perfect yet.

Quote:
On the fertilizer piece, you have a lot of unnecessary pauses
We were really trying to get the demo down to :60 or less. I wonder why my producer didn't notice that. Hmmm . . .

Quote:
If you could make the first spots smoother and clean up the diction they would be much better.
I don't have the raw files for this. The production house kept them and delivered the final demo as MP3 to me. I'll try to get hold of them and see what I can do.

Quote:
One suggestion: put your phone number someplace else, possibly below your name. Right now my brain wants to read it as your birth and death dates
Never thought of that. Duly noted. I am working on a redesign at the moment and will put the death notices elsewhere.

Quote:
I would say you have some innate talent and good potential....
Mr. Rellis, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I do appreciate it.
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jrodriguez315
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 26 Sep 2006
Posts: 1202
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Tue Oct 10, 2006 9:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just want to make sure my post hangs around. I am still interested in getting some more opinions.
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Spacegypsy
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PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 2:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Joe, I love 2, 4 and 5. As far as I am concerned, you can lose 1 and 3 - it's like they are too high up in your chest on timbre.
My 2c. The others should get you work. Good job!
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Bruce
Boardmeister


Joined: 06 Jun 2005
Posts: 7921
Location: Portland, OR

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good Morning,

Welcome aboard, if I didn't say so already when you first joined! First I'd definitely pay the $8 or less per month to get a private website without advertising. I'd also look at 30, 40, 50 maybe 100 other VO websites to get ideas. Study some of the simpler designs you'll find, but wouldn't go as thin in design as yours is. As you are an experienced live and on-camera performer I'd feature a great head shot, or shot of you in action, on your home page instead of the drawing. (Sorry if it was done by someone near and dear to you.) I'm not bowled over by the headshots you have on there...and it's not you, it's the photographer and the mostly gruff poses. I advise in investing in some better shots. You don't have to spend a lot, just get a good photog. Get some recommendations.

I'd also pick another engineer and studio for your next demo. The first three spots sound like they were recorded in a hard walled room which took away from basically very good performances on your part. Another spot sounded like you were too close to the mike.

I think your years of experience in comedy and improv have served you well and I hear lots of talent in there. I think you've got a demo worthy of passing around locally, and I think with some more practice behind a mic and some self critique (do you have a home studio set-up?), and maybe some work with a good VO consultant to translate that talent better into studio mic, you'll soon be ready to snag yourself an agent in the City.

Bruce
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jrodriguez315
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 26 Sep 2006
Posts: 1202
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Bruce wrote:
Good Morning,

Welcome aboard, if I didn't say so already when you first joined! First I'd definitely pay the $8 or less per month to get a private website without advertising. I'd also look at 30, 40, 50 maybe 100 other VO websites to get ideas. Study some of the simpler designs you'll find, but wouldn't go as thin in design as yours is. As you are an experienced live and on-camera performer I'd feature a great head shot, or shot of you in action, on your home page instead of the drawing. (Sorry if it was done by someone near and dear to you.) I'm not bowled over by the headshots you have on there...and it's not you, it's the photographer and the mostly gruff poses. I advise in investing in some better shots. You don't have to spend a lot, just get a good photog. Get some recommendations.

I'd also pick another engineer and studio for your next demo. The first three spots sound like they were recorded in a hard walled room which took away from basically very good performances on your part. Another spot sounded like you were too close to the mike.

I think your years of experience in comedy and improv have served you well and I hear lots of talent in there. I think you've got a demo worthy of passing around locally, and I think with some more practice behind a mic and some self critique (do you have a home studio set-up?), and maybe some work with a good VO consultant to translate that talent better into studio mic, you'll soon be ready to snag yourself an agent in the City.

Bruce


Thank you for your feedback.

My demo was done entirely in a studio in Manhattan in a sound-proof room with Neumann mics. Interesting that you found the quality so poor. The engineer who did my demo has done literally hundreds, perhaps thousands of demos. Not that I'm defending them, if it sucks, it sucks. Thanks for the feedback.

As far as the photography goes, I did it myself and the reason I don't smile so much is I have ugly teeth so I tend to go with the more serious "looks".

I also built my own website and I am currently working on a redesign. I will certainly take your advice and review lots of VO sites. I have found, generally speaking, that many VO people have not so good sites. I believe Dierdre posted somewhere about the rules of website design for VO's. That's information that I will review again before posting my new site.

When you say "worthy of passing around locally", what does that mean? Who do I pass it out to? Where do I find them. Any clues will be appreciated.

Thanks again for the feedback, it is much appreciated.
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jrodriguez315
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 26 Sep 2006
Posts: 1202
Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 10:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spacegypsy wrote:
Hey Joe, I love 2, 4 and 5. As far as I am concerned, you can lose 1 and 3 - it's like they are too high up in your chest on timbre.
My 2c. The others should get you work. Good job!


Thanks for your feedback. Interesting that no one seems to like that first spot and that's the one that my producer and coach thought was the strongest. That's why we put it in the 1st position! Oh well, I guess we were wrong. I will definitely think about re-working my demo as soon as I get some bucks to play with. Thanks again.
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brianforrester
Backstage Pass


Joined: 30 Jul 2005
Posts: 492
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

PostPosted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 11:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Joe,

Regarding your demo... are you aware that the bitrate on the file is only 64kbps? At a minimum the bitrate should be at 128kbps, however higher is definately better... The low bitrate would certainly account for the muddiness of the audio. Did the producer provide you with the file that you have posted or have you done some conversions since you recieved it?

Anyway, something to look into for sure... I think that the demo would be much more representative sonically if it was at a higher bitrate.

Good Luck,

Brian
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ConnieTerwilliger
Triple G


Joined: 07 Dec 2004
Posts: 3381
Location: San Diego - serving the world

PostPosted: Thu Oct 26, 2006 8:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Finally had a chance to listen:

The "Send Bad people to Hell" clip is the only clip without a brand name. The rest include a specific product - this is probably what they were referring to by "generic."

I'm not saying that a demo should be clean of all specific product names, but it is important that if you have a very recognizable national brand mentioned in your demo that the clip is so good that the producer doesn't subconsciously disconnect - "that guy didn't do that commercial!"

That's what I heard in the first three spots - the delivery didn't quite live up to the usual quality that those advertisers would use on their spots.

And the copy for the Gallo spot seemed a bit odd - was that a real spot - or did you (someone) write it for the demo? While I liked the character in the spot - what he was saying was sort of strange. But, then I don't usually write spots, I write corporate communications.

The "Hell" read was by far the gem in the demo - in addition to a great ear-catching delivery with attitude, it was "generic."

Regarding the website - ditto on the previous posts - with one additional comment - since all your headshots are similar poses in the same shirt - pick the best ONE of them. It looks like a contact sheet right now.
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jrodriguez315
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 26 Sep 2006
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Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 7:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you for taking the time to review my demo.

ConnieTerwilliger wrote:
That's what I heard in the first three spots - the delivery didn't quite live up to the usual quality that those advertisers would use on their spots.

Thanks for your candor. Do you think I should try to avoid national brands altogether?

Quote:
And the copy for the Gallo spot seemed a bit odd - was that a real spot - or did you (someone) write it for the demo? While I liked the character in the spot - what he was saying was sort of strange.

I believe it was a real spot. It was supposed to be funny. I guess it wasn't. I tried several character reads on that one. Originally we were going to go with one of the more "cartoony" reads but my director felt that since this was to be a commercial demo, we should tone it down a bit and save the cartoony voice for a cartoon / character demo. I guess I toned the funny out of it as well.

Quote:
The "Hell" read was by far the gem in the demo - in addition to a great ear-catching delivery with attitude, it was "generic."

Thank you!

Quote:
all your headshots are similar poses in the same shirt - pick the best ONE of them. It looks like a contact sheet right now.

I hadn't really thought of that. If there was one that you thought was the best from that page, which would it be?

Thanks again for your critique. I appreciate your honesty. It will help me build a better demo and website.
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Art
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 1:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Joe:

You mention having a more over-the-top version of one of the spots. When I hear your voice, I feel like it's waiting to be unleashed. You have an interesting range, a distinctive sound to your voice, and I think you'd sound great on some over the top, big delivery spots. (By big, I don't mean loud, I mean emotional, energetic, enthusiastic, overacted. Your typical CW or Fox promo.)

If you're anything like me, you'll do a wild delivery and then play it back and find it was really kind of dull. I feel reined in by my own self-consciousness and the limits of my abilities, and have a hard time working up to a "bigger than life" delivery.

And yet you, your voice, would sound really great and really big market if you could master that kind of delivery, especially for comic material. And the way to start is to have at least one spot like that in your demo, even if it takes hours of work to get it out right. Then, people will hire you for high energy spots, you'll be forced to get better at it, and you'll have more of them for the demo.

(Sounds so easy, doesn't it?)

And the sound? I don't think it's bad at all, and 64k mono MP3 is a delivery system capable of very good sound, so you can't blame that. You say one guy recorded it all, with a Neumann. So, I'm sure he's proud of how clean his audio is, and he didn't mess with it.

So it sounds the same all the way through.

If it was a demo made from real material, you'd have spots recorded in all kinds of studios, with all kinds of mikes, and all kinds of engineers making EQ and compression decisions. Then, you'd have the .wav masters of the ones you did in your home studio and the ones you could get CDs of, you'd have MP3s the studio sent you on some, some you'd have to rip from a VHS tape where you recorded the Channel 9 news in hopes of catching the spot, and you might even have to call a company to retrieve a copy of the phone message you read into their system. When you string all these spots together in a demo, the different audio qualities add to the perception of variety. You want to sound good on big speakers and small ones.

In the case of a whole bunch of material you recorded just for the demo, like this, starting with the Neumann is a great idea. But then, I'd do a bit of EQ and a bit of compression on most of them, and make different choices on each one, and try to add a bit of variety that way.

I think you'll always want variety in your demo, and that means variety in the media, deliveries, scripts, music, tempo, attitude and sound quality.

The first half of your demo suffers from this sameness. Second half shakes it up a bit more, and is good material for your demo, but it needs to be mixed up with some new stuff that sounds different. Phone message, screaming car ad, sad and touching narrative, funny commercial, stuff like that.

You've got a pretty good generic announcer delivery, and while there's lots of work doing that, your natural voice is kind of wasted as a boring old announcer.

When you're gathering copy to do spots for a demo, roll some tape on TV (or TiVo) and watch for spots that make you smile or laugh.
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mcm
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Joined: 10 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. This critique is a gold mine. Joe, you're a lucky guy. And I feel lucky just to have read it.

Great advice, Art!
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jrodriguez315
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 26 Sep 2006
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Location: New Jersey

PostPosted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Art,

Thank you so much for taking the time to critique my demo. I just received an email from my engineer. She never did deliver the final to me since she thought I was still getting opinions. Little did she know the opinions I've gotten!

I appreciate your advice regarding copy that makes me laugh. It's interesting that you detected the potential funny in my voice. My first goal for voiceover was always cartoon / character. I created the commercial demo because I figured theres a lot more commercial work available than cartoon / character, especially in the NY / NJ area. My first teacher / coach is Pamela Lewis, the author of "Talking Funny for Money" which is exactly what I want to do, talk funny . . . make money!

So I guess I will reevaluate my demo based on the critiques I've received from you and several others on this board and look for some new pieces of copy that makes me smile.

As far as including all the different kinds of ads you mentioned in the same demo, I'm not sure what direction to go there since I've received advice and read that a Commercial demo should be one thing and a Radio Imaging demo should be another thing and a Promo demo should be yet another thing. It's all very confusing really.

Anyway, thank you for helping me listen to my demo with new ears.

And now . . . back to work!
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