VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

Mandy Nelson · Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:22 pm Post subject: Trying on a new :60 commercial

I'm looking for ALL feedback here. This is a work in progress but I thought I'd take a step back and have some ears I trust have a go at it.
_________________
006 member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Mic. Bonded by sound.

Manfillappsoc: The Mandy and Philip mutual appreciation Society. Who's in your network?

Have you seen my mic closet? ~ me to my future husband

bobsouer · Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 6:47 pm Post subject:

Mandy,

What a luscious voice you have, dear lady. I could listen to you read the phone book. Wait. Maybe I have?

In any case, here are a couple of thoughts for you:

1. Unless you get hired A LOT for that rather young sounding voice in the first cut, I would move that track to later in the spot. Lead with the "honey, did you fix..." piece maybe. That seems much more like "you" than the current lead piece.

2. Remove the "retail" sounding spot, the third cut. It's jarring in the context of so much other work that sounds much more high end. If you want to do a retail demo later, go for it; but don't muddy these waters.

3. I love way you wrap up. I like demos that have a definite end to them. Yours makes it worth the trip all the way through.

I hope these thoughts are at least a little helpful.
_________________
Be well,
Bob Souer (just think of lemons)
The second nicest guy in voiceover.
+1-724-613-2749
Source Connect, phone patch, pony express

Mandy Nelson · Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:11 pm Post subject:

Thank you, Bob, for your insight and the compliments!! Love that part. heee. No, I've not read the phone book but I do those ads for free411 which is practically the same. sort of.

1) This one really had me confused and I kept moving it. Lately I've gotten a lot of "young voice" work. Funny because when I was in my early 20s everyone wanted the sexy sound. So I can move it but I don't have another funny hook. I'll have to work on that!

2) Great point and you've given me some freedom. I've wanted to trash it but it seemed to round out what I do. There has to be a better way for me to approach it...another thing I'll look into.

3) Thanks! I do a lot of disclaimer stuff so it's a carry over from my current demo and I really want to stick with it for a while. Plus hell or high water just lays it all out there. Wink

Thanks again. It's been a slow road and I know I'll have a longer version. OH WAIT, I can trash the hard sell and add the other sound I've been hired for a lot lately but forgot to put in here. Phew.

Bob, here's a beer tippin' hug for ya'!
_________________
006 member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Mic. Bonded by sound.

Manfillappsoc: The Mandy and Philip mutual appreciation Society. Who's in your network?

Have you seen my mic closet? ~ me to my future husband

ricevoice · Posted: Wed Mar 03, 2010 7:39 pm Post subject:

Lance Blair · M&M Joined: 03 Jun 2007 Posts: 2281 Location: Atlanta

First: you're great and what you are comes across, but it can be tightened up to your advantage. The retail spot is jarring but perhaps because that's the only clip that is selling or speaking about a product. Many of the clips are veering more towards character reads (but they're not cartoony at all). So perhaps some copy that is product driven but not so "retail" will help.

The first clip can be moved and tightened up, and maybe even with a slightly faster pace. Maybe. No drum intro, and would it be funnier if you said "when they're old, like when they're thirty"?

I enjoyed it so far, well done.
_________________
Skype: globalvoiceover
and now, http://lanceblairvo.com the blog is there now too!

Philip Banks · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:39 am Post subject:

Critical evaluation of this has generally focused on the intensely personal and subjective nature of the piece, as well as the wide stylistic variety of the output. Some modern commentators may have also noted the significant influence of Nietzschean thought on the delivery, particularly in regard to irrationality and the modern collapse of traditional morality. Overall, Ms Nelson could be viewed as a seminal Dada figure of the voiceoverist school, though critics will continue to emphasize her idiosyncratic relationship to the less able voiceoverati movement. Ms Nelson represents through audio the culmination of her revolt against external authority, and at the same time a means of breaking through the surface appearance to the realms of the spirit beyond. Other voiceoveristas may have turned against Ms Nelson as a result of this piece and threatened to destroy her blossoming portfolio in the making.

My own view? Pile o' shite.

Bruce · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 6:35 am Post subject:

I agree with various points raised here, including those that say you're quite talented. Presuming you're going for the bigger work in our field, start with something that is quintessential you, not teen, and maybe not do the teen here at all but in different demo (plus the first line of the teen bit didn't convince me like the rest of the cut did). A read with energy is a great idea but maybe not out and out retail. The ending is cute, but not for a national talent.

Research my dear, more research. Head for voicebank.net and go to the house reels section and listen to lots of the women at the bigger agencies to glean some ideas from the kind of material that's being used these days.

You're a natural beauty...we just need to find some "clothes" that are best for showing off your talents.

B
_________________
VO-BB Member #31 Enlisted June, 2005

I'm not a Zoo, but over the years I've played one on radio/TV. .

Mandy Nelson · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 7:19 am Post subject:

All great point gentlemen (and Philip, I'm so glad you picked up on the Dada influence. I've been going for that since I was in high school. It doesn't come naturally for me like most everything else does. snicker).

Bruce, the problem I've had with listening to some of the big gun demos is, well, they haven't impressed me. I was listening to one yesterday and thought, "Seriously? There is no variety in her reads. And that copy is in ten other VO demos. Yuck." I'm going to keep working on it, though. I'm inspired by some of the gals around here that have knockout demos.

Thank you all so much! This has been so constructive and I love it.
_________________
006 member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Mic. Bonded by sound.

Manfillappsoc: The Mandy and Philip mutual appreciation Society. Who's in your network?

Have you seen my mic closet? ~ me to my future husband

Lance Blair · M&M Joined: 03 Jun 2007 Posts: 2281 Location: Atlanta

I know what you mean Mandy...some of my all time favorite talent with demos I just adore are kinda "middle league" people - that says a lot about how much one wants it and work for it I guess Wink

. Some of the best people out there have rather bland demos - but they're not really getting booked for their demos now, are they?

What I take away from listening to videovoicebank and other people's work is not the performance so much, but the flow and the copy. I think "This demo works because it has A, B, C, and D reads, and more importantly they paint a coherent picture of what that personality is all about". It also teaches me what doesn't quite work as well.

I suppose go find copy that opens up five good diverse reads that you can put your personality and acting to.
_________________
Skype: globalvoiceover
and now, http://lanceblairvo.com the blog is there now too!

bobsouer · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 8:28 am Post subject:

Mike Sommer · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:31 am Post subject:

This is a good demo.

Upon first listen I thought, 'oh, she's a young VO... Hey, she sounds pretty good,' then the next spot revealed the real you. I was a little shocked by the sudden change but my reaction then was, 'hey she's a pretty good actor'. Well folks that's what a VO demo is all about, "Showing how good an Actor you are."

I too thought that you should move the first spot. Then I thought, No. This is exactly the hook to keep an agent listening to your demo. Especially since agents only give you 4 to 10 seconds to prove that you've got it. And what agent doesn't trip over himself trying the sign young actors?

The only improvement this demo needs is to be tightened up in a few places to quicken the pace, and lose the drums at the beginning.
_________________
The Blog:
http://voiceoveraudio.blogspot.com/

Acoustics are counter-intuitive. If one thing is certain about acoustics, it is that if anything seems obvious it is probably wrong.

Diane Maggipinto · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:47 am Post subject:

mandy, i listened yesterday (and thought about it several times post) and just listened again. i like the variety; it does keep one listening. and i think the retail is precisely what retailers want in an ad and a vo. to be candid, though, i think some of the clips you've posted on the board in the past (sorry, i can't remember which for reference) and perhaps some you have in your vault are stronger than what you've selected for this rough draft. maybe to my ear it's a bit too disjointed and so i'm not getting the full flavuh. i realize this is a tough, tough exercise so keep at it and keep us in the loop.
_________________
sitting at #8, though not as present as I'd like to be. Hello!

www.d3voiceworks.com

Mandy Nelson · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:51 am Post subject:

Sweet, Diane, great feedback. And Mike, thank you, too. Tighten, trim, abs and glutes. I'll get to all of them today.
_________________
006 member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Mic. Bonded by sound.

Manfillappsoc: The Mandy and Philip mutual appreciation Society. Who's in your network?

Have you seen my mic closet? ~ me to my future husband

todd ellis · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:01 pm Post subject:

i agree with much of the above - especially that the lead bit is not your money voice -
_________________
"i know philip banks": todd ellis
who's/on/1st?

Mike Sommer · Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:29 pm Post subject:

I gave this a little thought today. I'm going to amend my first post by saying that your first spot (young girl) should be moved to the third of fourth spot. My first rule for demos is to alway open with your signature or "Money" voice.
_________________
The Blog:
http://voiceoveraudio.blogspot.com/

Acoustics are counter-intuitive. If one thing is certain about acoustics, it is that if anything seems obvious it is probably wrong.