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Festus
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Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Posts: 34
Location: Stratford, Connecticut
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 Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 1:40 pm Post subject: Website Critique Wanted |
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Doug: Thanks for the close evaluation of my copy. You are exactly right. It kind of feels like playing checkers. With the use of three "and's" between the short redundant sentences, I can pull it all nicely together. I like your website very much in that you have almost no words to describe what you are all about. I like that. As far as the choppy, short statements I guess I had it in the back of my mind that the people coming to the site would be seniors, many of which are not computer savvy, and would feel more at ease with a clunky, non-slick website that is as comfortable as an old shoe. Maybe that's a poor assumption. Thanks. Larry
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DougVox
The Gates of Troy
Joined: 10 Jan 2007
Posts: 1706
Location: Miami
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| Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 2:45 pm Post subject: Re: Website Critique Wanted |
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| Festus wrote: | | With the use of three "and's" between the short redundant sentences, I can pull it all nicely together. |
Larry, rather than combine each of the sentence pairs into a single, longer sentence, why not (mostly) delete a sentence from each pair, and end up with half as much copy? Redundancy is the enemy.
| Festus wrote: | | I had it in the back of my mind that the people coming to the site would be seniors, many of which are not computer savvy... |
Two thoughts: if the people you're worried about are on your web site, they're like to be computer savvy enough to deal with what they find there. Plus, there's no reason to think that a non-clunky, slick site would make anyone not feel at ease with it. It all depends upon the design/copy writing.
Secondly, are you sure that most of the people who visit your site are seniors? It's more likely that they are the people who produce commercials for senior products and services.
The people who can hire you are your audience.
And thanks for the kind words about my site...writing very little (but still effective) copy is much harder for me than writing a lot of copy. But the result is much easier for people to digest.
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Doug Turkel (tur-KELL)
Voiceover UNnouncer®
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Festus
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Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Posts: 34
Location: Stratford, Connecticut
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| Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 4:21 pm Post subject: Website Critique Wanted |
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Scott: I do not think you were being "picky". I am grateful for the extra set of "eyes on" my website. I was thinking from my old English classs high school days that seniors were a proper noun. I did the research on the web and found that not to be the case so I have changed up the wording on my site appropriately. Thank you for pointing that out. Larry
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Festus
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Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Posts: 34
Location: Stratford, Connecticut
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| Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2012 4:27 pm Post subject: Website Critique Wanted |
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Doug: Thank you immensely for your observations. Having some time today, I did re-write the copy to get rid of those "dangling thought" sentences. I even when beyond what my scope of the website was before to include the fact that I can produce the whole project, rather than just voice it. Thanks for your help. I truly appreciate the time you took to respond to my website creation.. I hope I can return the favor at some point. Larry
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Quicksilver
Been Here Awhile
Joined: 29 Oct 2012
Posts: 217
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| Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Larry,
Great work finding a niche. I'm no expert but I do believe people should do what they do best. No one wants to eat at those restaurants that serve Italian, Mexican, American AND Chinese, ya know?
I'm far from any type of branding, marketing or vo guru but from a regular persons perspective I will tell you that at a quick glance the amount of red is a little alarming, I'd go with a little more neutral color and maybe add some texture. I'd also cut down on the number of demos and just feature your best work. Also, I might loose the facilities page or make it just a brief description to let people know you have pro gear. The pics didn't scale well on my scree and looked kinda stretched out. Just my opinion though 
DC |
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Jason Huggins
The Gates of Troy
Joined: 12 Aug 2011
Posts: 1846
Location: In the souls of a million jeans
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| Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:20 pm Post subject: |
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Hey Larry, just thought I'd throw out a thought of mine. I have a huge personal vendetta against stretching images. Almost all of the pictures or images on your site are stretched to fit into the boxes they are stuck into. To me, this looks massively amateur, and I would resize them. If you can't adjust the box size, figure out the exact size of the box (in px) and format the images to be that exact size.
There is really nothing that I dislike more than a stretched image. It makes me absolutely crazy when my father-in-law watches a football game on his widescreen tv in a "stretch to fit" mode. The picture is not widescreen...don't try to pretend it is.
Stretching photos of yourself also adds the appearance weight...and none of us need the camera to add more weight than it already does.
Also, to piggyback on Doug's comments. Great writing is concise. If you can use fewer words to make your point, do it! Every word in written copy should be essential...if it isn't, it's worthless, and should be removed.
Now I need to go take my own advice, and rewrite my site text.
Ok...one last thing. A significant amount of traffic to my (and most anymore) website is from a mobile device (whether smartphone or tablet), and I couldn't play a single demo of yours from my iPad. At least add a link to the media if you don't have an HTML5 media player on the site (which I would HIGHLY recommend to everyone). |
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Festus
Contributor
Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Posts: 34
Location: Stratford, Connecticut
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| Posted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 7:57 am Post subject: Website Critique Wanted |
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DC and Jason: Thank you for your comments. They are all valid and I will work to correct them. This is the website my developer put up two days ago and I have to tweak it some. He used my old writing. Colors need some separation and to be un-stretched. Jason: Good point about the ipad. I am so "old school" that I don't even own a tablet or smartphone. I will have to Google how to get mp3's to play on a mobile device. I appreciate your help. Larry
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Festus
Contributor
Joined: 10 Nov 2012
Posts: 34
Location: Stratford, Connecticut
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| Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2013 8:46 am Post subject: Website Critique Wanted - New Design 2013 |
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Hi Joe and Doug and Scott and Jason: Thank you for your helpful thoughts. I did buy an HTML template off Ebay which I had modified. Jason mentioned he could not play the mp3's on his ipad. I don't have an ipad, tablet or smart phone so could use some additional help. My website designer used a different mp3 player on the last column. If someone could tell me if the first and or third column plays on their ipad , tablet and smart phone I would appreciate it. I know the demos are poor, and my next project is re-doing them all. Also, any comments on the 5 page design would be appreciated. Thanks.
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