VO-BB - 19 YEARS OLD! Forum Index VO-BB - 19 YEARS OLD!
Where A.I. is a four-letter word.
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Red Tree In South Berwick

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    VO-BB - 19 YEARS OLD! Forum Index -> Chat
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Deirdre
Czarina Emeritus


Joined: 10 Nov 2004
Posts: 13016
Location: East Jesus, Maine

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:43 pm    Post subject: Red Tree In South Berwick Reply with quote


_________________
DBCooperVO.com
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
John M
Guest





PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 3:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow! That is a RED tree!
Back to top
Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 11046
Location: Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought it was the title of the Booker Prize for fiction winner, may be it is and that's the dust cover shot.

Red Tree in South Berwick
By
Brodie Castle

Chapter 1 - A falling leaf

Gideon never noticed me, not at home, on our holiday in Devon, while stealing £43,000,000 from our employers, never!

"I shall drink gin until 4am and then have sex with the au pair" he announced rather grandly. I threw the nearest thing to hand at him, it was Caspar our 15 year old son.

"Oh mother, you treat me like a missile. I'll never be clever enough to join a merchant bank after three years at Oxford if you insist on this ......." Caspar was stopped mid flow by a Knock at the door. We'd lived in Knock for years and the local Knocks were always coming to the door in the hope of stealing some of Grandmama's cheese. .....................................
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 11046
Location: Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 10:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(continued) ..............Before we could say Taumatawhakatangihangakoauotamateturipukakapikimaungahoro-Nukupokaiwhenua kitanatahu 3 large Bries had vanished.

Caspar's head was still spinning as a direct result of it impacting with my new IndecentIII washer drier.

"The Brie!! The Knock knocked off all the Brie" with that he collapsed face first into the dog's bowl. Neferatiri our pet mastiff walked across, took one sniff, broke wind at a plate shattering volume and then decided that although it was in her bowl, Caspars face with all its teenage spots looked far from appetising.

"Dog not hungry?" asked Gideon "where's Ulah, I want to have sex now?

"In her room making an ice sculpture of Barbara Walters, she so wants to be a television newsreader" I told him "and will you please do something about the temperature in her room you know she prefers to work in oils". He thought for a moment.

"Good evening, I'm Ulah Svenson and here's an oil painting of tonights news headlines. It could work". I loved Gideon for his powers of perception and his clown outfit, the whirling bow tie and squirting button hole certainly broke the ice at board meetings.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Spacegypsy
Guest





PostPosted: Sat Nov 12, 2005 10:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Banksey you are a hoot!

When are you going to write that novel? Smile
Back to top
Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 11046
Location: Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 7:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

(continued) Looking long, cool, blonde and ravishing Ulah joined us in the kitchen. She flopped into a chair with a heavy sigh.

"I have completed wis my making of this sculpture. Now I am wish to use a man" she looked around the room. Her Swedish accent was Melifluous, the people of Melifluol, northern Sweden all had a languid air about them.

"Don't look at me" said Caspar "I'm only 15 and am still at the writing poems about death stage" He cleared his throat. "My razor is sharp from the pain and sadness deep in my grave..." Gideon rattled his newspaper loudly. "Sorry Father. I'll bid you all goodnight. Mother you may come and sing to me later as I am far to upset to sleep". With a camp flourish, Caspar wafted out of the room.

"I am say about a man for my body needs, why does a reply not arrive?" Ulah looked at me, at Grandmama and then to Gideon. Grandmama put her walking stick underneath his newspaper and flicked upwards ripping it from his grasp. He glared at Grandmama, we looked at him. Grandmama with disdain, Ulah with lust and me with the look only a wife is able to give a husband who knows nothing about motherhood or cricket.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 11046
Location: Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 5:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

....................As Gideon was only on page 19 of The Times he wasn’t ready for 3 intense minutes of passion with Ulah. We chatted as she waited; the topic was the contents of an old Edition of Cosmopolitan.

“I in this would I be looking very good?” asked Ulah pointing at a full-page advertisement.

“No dear. That’s a Tefal steam iron” I replied “now go and put on your glasses”.

“We never had steam irons in my day” snapped Grandmamma.

“That’s right Grandmamma, you had a house with a staff of 42 servants at your beck and call,” I said waiting for the inevitable retort.

“But m’girl we were all poor. Papa was poor, Mama was poor and even our Butler was poor”.

“Grandmamma! Untrue, you owned a bank!”

“Yes. But we were always overdrawn. Papa had to keep writing letters to himself regarding the conduct of his account” she snorted loudly and opened another jar of Uncle Mycroft’s pickled onions. These gourmet delights were noted for the spices, when Grandmamma opened a new jar she tilted her head backwards lest the flames set fire to her bonnet.

BbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrringBbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbrinnnnnnnnng. The whole house shook as our circa 1942 telephone rang. The bell had been upgraded so that it could be heard over the sound of the air raids in London. Great Uncle Uwe flew Heinkels during the war and he got his valet to telephone the old house in Kensington; should he hear a telephone he knew to drop his bombs elsewhere. This was not an act of kindness it was just that father owed him 13 shillings and fourpence and he was aware that the postal order was waiting for him on our mantelpiece.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Spacegypsy
Guest





PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2005 6:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll say it again, you're funny!

When I read it in, I get Pythonesque images to go along with it in my head.

Ah, shillings and pence... I can still convert to "old money" in a second! And I still remember the jingle for the TV program that helped us all change from shillings and pence to just pence... "decimalisation, decimalise, decimalisation will change your life.."
Back to top
Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 11046
Location: Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Wed Nov 16, 2005 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

“Knock 265”

“Hello Ma’am” said the caller “My name’s Willoughby J Farnborough, attorney at law. I’m calling you regarding a legal matter. Can I talk to Mrs Emilly Soames?”

“It is she; how may I help you?”

“Ma’am, you’ve come into some real estate, property name of Red Tree, runs to about 100 acres plus a house, barn and a martial arts Dojo. Owner was a local movie stuntman name of Dan Gerous. He died, left you this place, well pretty much about everything ‘cept his dog, Beau, left that to the Republican party, advises them on foreign policy”.

I thought for a moment and then remembered a cousin named Daniel. Apart from being cousins we were pen pals, had been since we were about 8 years old.

“How did Daniel die?” I enquired.

“Crashed a heliocopter into a bar”

“A stunt for a film?”

“No Ma’am. Dispute over a game of Pool. Dan was South Berwick’s champion. Lost to a cheat. Terrible thing, awful mess, bar totally destroyed.”

“How terrible, many others affected?”

“It’s not so bad, 3 other bars pretty close by” he replied in a spirited tone.

Gideon, Ulah and Gradmamma were listening to my every word and thanks to Willoughby J Farnborough’s foghorn like voice his every word too. South Berwick is in Maine which can be found somewhere north east in the Americas and it was soon to be home to four English people, a Swede and a Mastiff.

Our hideaway in Knock was rented weakly on a monthly basis from a local farmer. When cashflow was weak, Ulah paid the rent in kind. Sean Flanagahn, the farmer would whisk Ulah away for a weekend in Dublin having told his wife that he was going to a Farmers Union conference. Avril Flanagahn, the farmer’s wife would entertain Gideon while her husband was away. Rent paid, two crates of Guiness, some bacon, eggs, sexual appetites satisfied and me with free time to work on my 1967 E-type Jaguar. Not Utopia, but fairly close.

As a result of a generous cousin I was now a woman of property, owned a business that taught people to give each other a good kicking and had cash in the bank. My business was called “A Falling Leaf”, named after a Native American girl who met her end in a nearby creek. She had fallen in love with a local certified public accountant and during one of their secret meetings he chose to tell her about his day at work. She was a bright young thing, full of life, optimist, in tune with the natural world and sadly the anecdote proved too much to bear so her will to live slowly ebbed away. Local legend says that when a Doctor out walking his dog passed by and went to say hello he noted that A Falling Leaf had been dead for three hours yet the CPA only halfway through his tale hadn’t noticed. I am lead to believe that boring someone to death is not a crime in the United States of America, which would explain why Senators continue to be allowed to address members of the public.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    VO-BB - 19 YEARS OLD! Forum Index -> Chat All times are GMT - 7 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group