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Don Deane
Joined: 24 Sep 2018 Posts: 3
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todd ellis A Zillion
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Joined: 02 Jan 2007 Posts: 10494 Location: little egypt
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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hi don - welcome to the group --- i hope you stay after you read this.
it's hard to be the first response on a post like this because ... well ... you are not ready. it would be a disservice to your future self to allow important folk to hear these demos. the narration demo is EXACTLY the type of thing i would expect to hear in a state park exhibit ... but that's not necessarily a good thing. throughout, i hear you "reading" - i don't hear you "speaking".
others will put it better, as they often do, but i say this to help you - not hurt you. _________________ "i know philip banks": todd ellis
who's/on/1st?
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Bruce Boardmeister
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Joined: 06 Jun 2005 Posts: 7928 Location: Portland, OR
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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Hi Don,
You sure are trying and that's half the battle! I'll try and make a couple of generalizations which may or may not be helpful. You'll need to drop some of the old fashioned announcing techniques such as hanging on to words too long, especially words at the end of phrases or sentences. Your cadence is a little hard compared to your relaxed and conversational read. Also it's good to be conscious of your style of read versus the material you're narrating. It was odd to hear Dixieland music in the background of your narration of modern painter Francis Bacon. It's little things like that that need to be paid attention to as well.
I'd invest in a few sessions with a very good coach and then through them learn how to listen to yourself, self critique, and improve on your own.
B _________________ VO-BB Member #31 Enlisted June, 2005
I'm not a Zoo, but over the years I've played one on radio/TV. . |
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Don Deane
Joined: 24 Sep 2018 Posts: 3
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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Bruce: Thanks for the feedback.
You say: "You'll need to drop some of the old fashioned announcing techniques such as hanging on to words too long, especially words at the end of phrases or sentences. Your cadence is a little hard compared to your relaxed and conversational read."
While I can hear some of my own flaws in these demos -- especially the ponderous pace in the narration one -- it would help if you could pinpoint a few specific examples of the general points you cite, such as hanging onto words too long and and using an overly hard cadence. Thanks. |
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Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi
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Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11049 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
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Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:44 pm Post subject: |
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Beneath the tone, the sound, the style lies a giant of a man. A man with a huge heart and a mind full of stories waiting to be told. He'll fix you with his gaze and take you anywhere in the universe. Take him by the hand and let him show you the secret of life.
Read the above and keep reading it until it becomes you. YOU are enough.
The notes from m'lovely colleagues you need to take on board and what they hear you need to hear. It's obvious you are open enough to do that.
THE competition killer. Master being you and no one will ever be able take a job from you.
SECRET - I suck! BUT, if a producer wants me I'm the only game in town! |
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Bruce Boardmeister
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Joined: 06 Jun 2005 Posts: 7928 Location: Portland, OR
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 8:34 am Post subject: |
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Don Deane wrote: | ... it would help if you could pinpoint a few specific examples of the general points you cite, such as hanging onto words too long and and using an overly hard cadence.... |
Individual word reading and pacing analysis are better handled by an in person coaching session than by postings on a bulletin board. I'll bet there are some good ones in your area.
B _________________ VO-BB Member #31 Enlisted June, 2005
I'm not a Zoo, but over the years I've played one on radio/TV. . |
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Art Contributor III
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Joined: 27 Sep 2017 Posts: 78 Location: Atlanta, GA, USA
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Posted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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Anyone here will tell you my input is worth it's weight in 24 karat gold, plus the Hope Diamond. My name is on the tip of the tongue of every important person in the business, and they send me books of blank checks with their signature so I can drain their bank accounts for whatever fees I please.
Actually almost no one has ever heard of me, BUT, I do have two ears, and I love doling out free advice! (Free 24k gold!)
Editing-wise, the commercial demo is the right length, but the fact it's comprised of six :10 second commercials makes it feel fabricated. It should feel like excerpts from :30 and :60 commercials, not 5 1/2 complete reads.
Read-wise, Todd is right: you have a good voice, but your reads need more time in the oven. I used to think "you're not ready" was something coaches said when they decided they'd like you to continue dumping hundreds of dollars into their bank accounts (which I've never done), but you're not paying me and I still say, "This is not ready."
You start a cadence at the beginning and then hold it through to the end, no matter how the text changes. For instance, in the Davy Crockett one, you're telling us about the man dying and your tone is the same as when you tell us not to wander off the park trail. Speaking of which, the student visa one and the park trail one were the best of the narration, the Cycle Incorporated one was the best of the commercials.
For an example of what I think Bruce is talking about: The Dodge Ram is better than "...any other truck in it's claaaassss...The new Dodge Rammmmm hauls the competition awayyyy..."
You have a nice timbre and the production doesn't sound amateurish, but you need to connect with the emotional tone of what you're reading and convey it. _________________ Art Howard.com |
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Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi
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Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11049 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2018 11:47 pm Post subject: |
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Reading and thinking about the above, I find golden, usable information at multiple levels.
Listener level - I sort of stopped listening
Talent producer level - Nah! Not really gonna get you anywhere.
BA level - YOU listen and hear what's wrong.
PhD level - When you speak of mountains people should be able to see them.
I'm Philip Banks and I approve this message. |
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dwpthe3rd Contributore Level V
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Joined: 28 Feb 2010 Posts: 198 Location: Where palm trees meet pines
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 7:20 am Post subject: |
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^^^ thaaat is veerrry fuunnny ^^^ _________________ If attacked by a mob of clowns go for the juggler.
dwpthe3rd |
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Rick Riley Flight Attendant
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Joined: 12 Aug 2011 Posts: 807 Location: Portland, OR
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 10:09 am Post subject: |
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I hear someone who likes their voice. Thinks they have a deep, resonating quality and that's what's going to get them jobs. They are wrong.
I don't say that to be rude but I've been a victim of that myself early on in my radio career. Get over it. You don't talk to your friends that way so don't talk to the microphone that way. The mic is your friend. Tell it your stories. Share with it. Confide with it in the products you're selling and the stories your telling. Consider it your BEST friend. A friend with really deep pockets and wants to help you have deep pockets as well. _________________ Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the Paramedics
www.rickrileyvoice.com |
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Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi
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Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11049 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:53 pm Post subject: |
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Fabby perspective! |
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todd ellis A Zillion
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Joined: 02 Jan 2007 Posts: 10494 Location: little egypt
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 1:24 pm Post subject: |
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OP hasn't come back in 5 days - this horse might be dead. _________________ "i know philip banks": todd ellis
who's/on/1st?
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Tre M. Backstage Pass
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Joined: 01 Nov 2017 Posts: 489 Location: Vegas, the desert part.
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 1:29 pm Post subject: |
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To you my friend I say this...
Get a decent coach. If you cant get coaching right now watch as much video on the type of VO you want to do. I wanted to do network promo, I watched (and still do watch) loads of promo videos, even after landing my first promo gig.
Got with a great agency, which sent me loads of auditions, but I wasnt hitting on em. Callbacks are great, but I want to BOOK. I asked some of my buddies that are killing it in promo and they suggested a specific coach. I've been working with him and my reads have gotten much better.
So much that it has affected my other reads as well. Booked 2 jobs this week using the methods learned.
If you were a footballer, you wouldn't just walk on the field and say I wanna play would ya? Even walkons put in the work to get a scholarship. I hear "it" in your reads, I just don't BELIEVE it yet. Make us believe. The fact that you're taking to heed what folks are saying shows you have a good 'tude about it. We're here to help man. _________________ Tre@trespeaksforyou.com
Www.trespeaksforyou.com
Skype: TKM32246
Source Connect: http://source-connect.com/tremovo |
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Don Deane
Joined: 24 Sep 2018 Posts: 3
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 1:43 pm Post subject: "OP hasn't come back in 5 days - this horse might be de |
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OP has been monitoring the comments. He and his horse are bruised but not dead.
Last edited by Don Deane on Sat Sep 29, 2018 2:24 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Yonie CM
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Joined: 31 Aug 2011 Posts: 906
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 1:57 pm Post subject: |
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Tough lessons, yeah? S'good you're taking it in as much of a stride you can. Most of us started where you are. Me being one of them, and I was haaawrible. |
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