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Commercial Demo feedback please

 
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JVOICE



Joined: 04 Apr 2018
Posts: 16
Location: Fairfield, CT

PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 2:44 pm    Post subject: Commercial Demo feedback please Reply with quote

So I wrote all these myself (surprise surprise!) and I'm no copy writer. It's a start, if there's one you think I can keep let me know.

I could really use suggestions/tips on creating better copy for these things and some suggestions of what types/genre of material I should switch in as well.

I think I need to add something "silly" and something "hard sell" but not quite sure what. I've been pulling my inspiration off of ispot.tv mainly. Would love some ideas that would save me some time coming up with a script.

Thanks!

https://vocaroo.com/i/s13scnZqqPNz
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Philip Banks
Je Ne Sais Quoi


Joined: 20 Jun 2005
Posts: 9832
Location: UK Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 7:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nothing wrong with your copywriting.

To the informed ear there are more than a few "oh..ah ..no, not like that!" moments. Voice is just fine, just need a little comparative ear tuning. Teach yourself to really nit pick and you'll be fine.
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I do quite well and for that I apologise but it really isn't my fault.
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JVOICE



Joined: 04 Apr 2018
Posts: 16
Location: Fairfield, CT

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 8:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Philip, I appreciate the honest feedback. I will try to figure what those are and improve. I'm definitely a work in progress. Glad to hear the copy is decent enough. Cheers, J
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Rick Riley
Lucky 700


Joined: 12 Aug 2011
Posts: 759
Location: Portland, OR

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

My humble but experienced advice. Spend the bucks and get someone like Chuck Duran to do your demo.

Iíve been in audio production all my working life (four decades). When I decided to get into voiceover, I went to Nancy Wolfson for coaching. I told her I made a demo to which she launched into her pitch about how Meryl Streep wouldnít make her own demo, why would you... and about ten other reasons as well. She said, Iíll listen, but donít be offended if I rip it apart. She listened to it three times, stopped and said, ĎThis is f***ing GOOD. Do you do this for a living?í Which the answer was, ĎKind of... yeahí. And the conversation went on from there.

Truth... I do audio production. You donít and itís obvious you donít. If youíre going to compete with those who do, and in VO, thatís EXACTLY what youíll be doing, you need to hire someone who does not only audio production, but script writing and COACHING.

Chuck Duranís demos are a process. A long, costly process but worth it for those who want to compete but canít produce the tool they need to compete with, on their own. He will consult with you, hammer out a plan, write the copy, maybe point you to a coach to work with on the copy before he records you and then he will direct you. End result = a COMPETATIVE tool.

But caution. Donít go for the demo unless you can deliver whatís ON the demo when youíre called on to do so. Coaching first if you haven't done so.

Thatís my humble but experienced advice. Otherís humble but experienced advice may vary. Good luck!
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JVOICE



Joined: 04 Apr 2018
Posts: 16
Location: Fairfield, CT

PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 9:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Rick, I appreciate it! Particularly the specifics in your suggestions which are very helpful. I will look into that. That was part of the plan and I am saving for it. Attempting to keep myself busy in the meantime as well. Thanks again, J
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