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Website & demo critique

 
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rmahoney



Joined: 06 Dec 2017
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 7:15 pm    Post subject: Website & demo critique Reply with quote

Well, now that it's 2018, it's time for me to take a fresh look at my web presence and demos. So I will genuinely appreciate your eyes and ears.
There are 2 demos on the web landing page. TIA
Randy
www.randymahoneyvo.com
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ConnieTerwilliger
Triple G


Joined: 07 Dec 2004
Posts: 3043
Location: San Diego - serving the world

PostPosted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 2:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The website itself works fine. Simple and easy to navigate.

The demos need a little help. I would suggest spending some time listening to other demos - both commercial and all of the permutations of narration...

Listen to lots of commercial demos and start to figure out what makes the good ones good. You need to be able to tell that and then apply that listening skill to your own work. What you have here is not going to get attention from the people with big budgets. I think you are targeting local advertisers right now with this demo.

Some of the cuts just didn't ring true - I didn't believe that you really had done the spots. Try to get a better idea of just what kinds of spots your voice is suited for.

When you do find the right material, then go to someone who knows how to put in the right music and SFX, and then works with you to chop it and mix it so that it drags the producer through without letting go. What you have here is not going to do that and it is a little long for a linear piece.

Nothing wrong with having some full samples of spots and website videos on your website, but for an overview demo, you need variety and brevity.

And your accent comes through in everything you read, so you need to be sure you find material that works with it.

Your narration demo has a couple of nice cuts on it - they felt like they were actual produced pieces. I would work on creating a couple of demos for the narration material. There were too many different kinds of scripts on this one.

Do a website marketing demo.
Do a telephony demo.
Do an eLearning/training demo.
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YouTube Channel: http://youtube.com/connieterwilliger
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FinMac
Cinquecento


Joined: 14 Jan 2013
Posts: 528
Location: In a really cool place...Finland!

PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 12:43 am    Post subject: What Connie wrote Reply with quote

+1 to what Connie wrote.

The commercial demo does not sound really like a commercial demo.
The spot for the church was not a commercial spot and does not really belong there.

The audio quality and mix in your demos is not good.

Invest more in your training and then make a professional quality demo when you are ready with a professional demo producer.
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www.scottsvoiceover.com - An American voice in Finland

Sign at the start of a road in Alaska..."Choose your rut carefully - you may be in it for the next 200 miles".
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rmahoney



Joined: 06 Dec 2017
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 7:44 pm    Post subject: Thank you m'am! Reply with quote

Thank you m'am! Astute observations. I appreciate your insight. That's exactly why I posted the file.

ConnieTerwilliger wrote:
The website itself works fine. Simple and easy to navigate.

The demos need a little help. I would suggest spending some time listening to other demos - both commercial and all of the permutations of narration...

Listen to lots of commercial demos and start to figure out what makes the good ones good. You need to be able to tell that and then apply that listening skill to your own work. What you have here is not going to get attention from the people with big budgets. I think you are targeting local advertisers right now with this demo.

Some of the cuts just didn't ring true - I didn't believe that you really had done the spots. Try to get a better idea of just what kinds of spots your voice is suited for.

When you do find the right material, then go to someone who knows how to put in the right music and SFX, and then works with you to chop it and mix it so that it drags the producer through without letting go. What you have here is not going to do that and it is a little long for a linear piece.

Nothing wrong with having some full samples of spots and website videos on your website, but for an overview demo, you need variety and brevity.

And your accent comes through in everything you read, so you need to be sure you find material that works with it.

Your narration demo has a couple of nice cuts on it - they felt like they were actual produced pieces. I would work on creating a couple of demos for the narration material. There were too many different kinds of scripts on this one.

Do a website marketing demo.
Do a telephony demo.
Do an eLearning/training demo.
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Art



Joined: 27 Sep 2017
Posts: 18
Location: Atlanta, GA, USA

PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Allow me to pile on.

CONS

The first thing I'm hearing with the commercial demo is that it's in mono. This makes it sound tiny and inauthentic. Checking the "stereo" box in whatever you're using will go a long way. After that, the EQ between the music and your voice needs fixin'. I'm also doubting there's a use of compression anywhere, which is important. (You're also using an acoustic guitar music bed that I've also used. Stop that!)

To add believability, remove brand names like Bass Pro Shops. Using the names of big chains on your demo sets up an expectation of grandiose sound. I would believe this was an ad for a local fishing store, but not the nation's largest outdoor chain.

Finally, I agree that I would remove the church one. I don't think churches actually do radio ads (do they?). As an on hold demo it could work, but not on a commercial demo.

Visually, I would remove the Comic Sans font for "Voice Over." Comic Sans doesn't look good anywhere but a Charlie Brown word balloon.

I would put "About Randy" at the bottom. The fact you have 24 hour turnaround and satisfied customers is more important than your biography.

PROS

Other than the Comic Sans and the order of the sections, I like the look of the site. The demos are right at the top as they should be. Using the wave form as your logo was a good alternative to using an old ribbon mic.
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rmahoney



Joined: 06 Dec 2017
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 7:00 am    Post subject: Thanks for the comments! Reply with quote

You all gave me, mostly, what I was looking for, and what I had been thinking, myself. I agree 98% with everything said about the demos.
I am working on replacing them both, and frankly was having trouble getting what I considered honest critiques.
So, thanks again. Hope to maybe run into some of you some time, some place.
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Bob Bergen
DC


Joined: 22 Apr 2008
Posts: 603

PostPosted: Wed Jan 10, 2018 8:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey buddy! I do like your voice and brand. Authentic and natural. You arenít trying to be anyone but yourself.

The demo feels a bit small town and home made. Now this might be your intent. But if your goals are to pursue a higher level of Vo you need to take it all up a notch. I hear workshop reads in your demo, not professional broadcast quality spots. Check out demosthatrock.com and compare those to yours.

And I come from the school that a demo needs to be competitive with the intended market. So I do think brand names, contemporary names with copy consistent with their current ad styles and trends, is important. But again, it all depends what you want out of your career and where you want to compete.
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