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Rookie demo open to critiques...
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Rookie3000



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2017 7:34 pm    Post subject: Rookie demo open to critiques... Reply with quote

I'm a novice voice talent (if you can even consider me that) from San Diego. I'm looking for unadulterated and unfiltered critiques. Give the demo a classic sweet chin music, followed by a stone cold stunner and the people's elbow for good measure. I have pretty thick skin and can assure you I've heard worse from better Wink

I created the demo very very early in my pursuit of the VO world, but as time has passed I already have my own critiques and corrections to apply.

Thanks in advance to anyone who listens and offers constructive criticism.

http://voice123.com/AbdrisElba
(there's a play button under my picture. Ignore the picture as well...professional headshots in the work)
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ConnieTerwilliger
Triple G


Joined: 07 Dec 2004
Posts: 3020
Location: San Diego - serving the world

PostPosted: Tue Mar 21, 2017 10:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Abdris, hard to critique this as it is all over the place with genres for one thing.

Also, we don't know what you have done to your space since doing the recording. Critiquing the hollow sound on the first couple of cuts might be redundant at this point for example. You may have done some more listening to hear what competitive demos should sound like. If not, then start poking around agent websites and listen to lots of demos in the various genres, so that you get a feel for what is good and what is not as good.

Perhaps you could carve out some time to take my Intro to VO class where you can get some insight into self-evaluation techniques and help on figuring out where you fit. Acting for Radio/Voiceover - 106 in either the RTVF or DRAM departments.

I don't do private coaching because I do VO full-time, but I do teach this one Intro class to help people figure out if they have potential. 16-week class, twice a week, 3 units ($36? per unit these days?).
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CharlieJames



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 3

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 7:35 am    Post subject: Hollow Sound Reply with quote

What do you think is causing the hollow sound Connie?
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Bruce
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Joined: 06 Jun 2005
Posts: 5889
Location: Portland, OR

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 8:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You apparently have little to no sound absorption in your recording space so your voice is bouncing off the walls and coming back to your mic in combination with your direct voice. That's a very unprofessional sound.

Your reads are also slow and stilted and your diction is far from good. Judging by your editing and your reads you have listened to very few demos of other voice talents and therefore not learned much about how to create one.

You have a lot of research and practice to do before you present another demo to the professional voiceover and producer community.

There's your elbow.

B
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I'm not a Zoo, but over the years I've played one on radio/TV.
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Rookie3000



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:08 pm    Post subject: B's Critique Reply with quote

Yes! This is what I'm looking for! Good critique! The sound of my voice bouncing off walls is the result of recording in a corner. New equipment and upgrades to my recording space will eliminate this effect.

Reads could be faster and more fluid, but that I already know. I disagree with the notion that my diction is far from good. Regardless, there's always room for improvement.

I'll improve over time, but I intend to present more demos to the professional community a lot sooner than later.

Prepare to drop that elbow a little harder next time.
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Rookie3000



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:13 pm    Post subject: Re: Hollow Sound Reply with quote

CharlieJames wrote:
What do you think is causing the hollow sound Connie?


I recorded my reads in the corner of a room. It was the best I could do at the time. New additions and upgrades to my recording space eliminate this effect.
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Yonie
Flight Attendant


Joined: 31 Aug 2011
Posts: 827

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:58 pm    Post subject: Re: B's Critique Reply with quote

Rookie3000 wrote:
I disagree with the notion that my diction is far from good. Regardless, there's always room for improvement.


I'm gonna put a paw down and state the following: it's easy to be deaf and blind to something you've listened to or read, over and over, and over and over. Bruce is not wrong.

Remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Took me, what, four years to have that sink in.
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Rookie3000



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 1:48 pm    Post subject: Yonie Reply with quote

Agreed. The concept of marathon over sprint is a prerequisite of my VO journey, and quite frankly, my life. It's to be expected in most ventures embarked upon.

As far as my diction being far from good? I still don't agree. It depends on which definition of diction we're addressing. The choice of words and phrases are not "far from good" in my opinion (as well as other professionals I've sat and conversed with).

I, as well as them, do believe my enunciation, articulation and/or elocution need great improvement. I have an amazing speech pathologist for that.

I love the engagement of this community though. More demos to come...prepare those elbows lol
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Ed Fisher
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Joined: 05 Sep 2012
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Location: East Coast, U.S.A.

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rookie3000 wrote:
I disagree with the notion that my diction is far from good. Regardless, there's always room for improvement.


Seriously?

http://gdurl.com/2iXb
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Rookie3000



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 3:17 pm    Post subject: Thanks Reply with quote

Ed Fisher wrote:
Rookie3000 wrote:
I disagree with the notion that my diction is far from good. Regardless, there's always room for improvement.


Seriously?

http://gdurl.com/2iXb


I appreciate the honest feedback.
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Bob Bergen
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Joined: 22 Apr 2008
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 3:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey buddy! First of all, I applaud you for even asking for feedback. It's a pretty vulnerable thing to do. Good for you!!!

I honestly think this is a perfect example of cart before the horse. Based on this demo you just aren't aware of what goes on a demo, or just when one is demo ready/ when to make a demo. This is not your fault! In fact, again I applaud that you are even reaching out. I had no internet or forums to reach out to when I was starting out.

A demo tells the world you are as good or better than everyone else out there auditioning, represented, and working. Compare your demo to the samples by this demo producer:
http://www.demosthatrock.com/portfolio.html

I think that will better demonstrate what is missing/needed from your demo.

From what I can tell you just aren't demo ready. No one out there needs another voice. They have all the voices they will ever need, and the majority aren't working. What they don't have, and what they do need is YOU! Your personality, your sense of humor, the you that makes you YOU. Listening to your demo I have no idea who Abdris is. I hear you trying to sound "voiceover" rather than knowing who you are and what you have to offer the vo industry in the way of your personality and style.

I as well hear the diction issue. I have a feeling you suffer from the "everyone tells me what a great voice I have" syndrome. There's no such thing as a good voice. There's also no such thing as a bad voice. There are only good actors and bad actors. Have you studied acting? Improv??? If not, I suggest start there. Become the best actor you can be. THEN study voiceover. And don't even think about demo until you are ready!!

Also read through this page:
https://iwanttobeavoiceactor.com

Consider this your starting point. But don't pursue just yet. A bad demo or putting yourself out there prematurely closes more doors than a good demo opens. There's no rush! This business is not going anywhere. It's always going to need the next brilliant talent. But the key word there is brilliant...IF your goal is to compete.

Hope this helps!!
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Rookie3000



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Thu Mar 23, 2017 4:50 pm    Post subject: To Bob Bergen Reply with quote

Bob,

Thanks for the extensive critique! I took every word very seriously. I've gotten similar critiques from mentors in the field. The links you provided are very much appreciated as well! I definitely do not want to unknowingly close doors so I take heed to your words. As I progress I shall run material by you for more feedback. It's early in my journey and I'm realistic with my growth. I'm currently registering for acting and improv courses as well, which is another fun hurdle to climb.

Thanks again for the positive energy!!

Peace and blessings.
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ConnieTerwilliger
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Joined: 07 Dec 2004
Posts: 3020
Location: San Diego - serving the world

PostPosted: Fri Mar 24, 2017 10:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just to clarify, when the comment about diction was made, it meant enunciation, articulation, elocution - not choice of words used. Unless we are asked to improvise, we have no choice of words as we are reading from someone else's scripts.

Quote:
I, as well as them, do believe my enunciation, articulation and/or elocution need great improvement. I have an amazing speech pathologist for
that.

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Rookie3000



Joined: 07 Mar 2017
Posts: 7

PostPosted: Sat Mar 25, 2017 11:12 am    Post subject: Re: Connie Reply with quote

Quote:
Just to clarify, when the comment about diction was made, it meant enunciation, articulation, elocution - not choice of words used. Unless we are asked to improvise, we have no choice of words as we are reading from someone else's scripts.


Ah, make sense. I didn't want to come off as combative, but I exercise my right to disagree when I feel justified. Thanks for the clarification good sir.
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todd ellis
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Joined: 02 Jan 2007
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PostPosted: Sun Mar 26, 2017 8:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

or madam, as the case may be.
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