VO-BB - 19 YEARS OLD!

[Dave]

Got this in my email this morning...

MIDWESTERN CUSTOMS:

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop
when Easterners and Californians cross our states, Tourist Councils
have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help
outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each
driver entering the State.

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did
more work before breakfast than you do all week in the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow
you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a
four wheel drive because I need it...not just to keep up with
the neighbors.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
our women will get your butt whipped … by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We
have a name for those little trout you fish for. It's called bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it.
You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and
pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring coke into my house, it better be
brown, wet, served over ice!

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you
drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter million
dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight
in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks
and tractors because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't
that cute?

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too-and turtle. You
Really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait
shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 70, 80, & 90 go East & West;
Interstate 29, 35 & 55 go north & south. Pick one and use it.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the
church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
water hazard. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you
over for driving like an idiot ... his name is "Sir" no matter
how old he is.

Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your
stay, we have corn to plant.
_________________
. If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.