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Please critique my Voices.com signature (mini sales pitch).

 
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Tom Test
DC


Joined: 23 Jan 2007
Posts: 629
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 3:22 pm    Post subject: Please critique my Voices.com signature (mini sales pitch). Reply with quote

Hello there,

I believe in the wisdom of the crowd, so I'll put this out here...

If you're like me, you're used to getting a top rating on V123 but usually not getting the gig and wondering why. V123 will say how many others got the same top-rating, so if, say, I'm one of 7 with a highest rating and we all bid the same price, why am I not getting it? So one obvious question that pops into my head is "is my siganture as effective as it can be?".

This is the generic "signature" (really, a mini sales pitch) that I use for both Voices.com and V123. (V123 limits it to 1500 characters). I do sometimes tweak it a bit for specific auditions, e.g., if it's retail, I'll mention my work for the nation's largest furniture store that broke all sales records. But here it is:

"Hello,

Thank you for the opportunity to bid on your project!

I've been one of the top male voice-over talents in the Midwest since 1989. I started Voices On Studio in 2001 and have since voiced hundreds of projects, from web-based Flash animation to regional TV spots to college-level textbook narrations to corporate narrations for dozens of Fortune 500 clients. I've voiced quite a few Telly (and other) award-winning spots in my career, and have also been an agent-recommended voice-over coach and demo producer.

I have voiced national TV spots for clients such as: Coor's, Midas, Betty Crocker, Novalis, AARP, Time Warner Cable, and - currently running - Easy-Forex Online Currency Trading. I’ve also narrated nationally-distributed "Reading Skills" and "Science" grade school textbooks for Scott Foresman Publishing.

I can deliver your audio in the format of your choice within 24 hours via email or FTP, and do have a phone patch.

All the best,
Tom Test
888-642-3766
info@tomtest"

Do you have any suggestions that might improve my sales pitch? Feel free to be blunt. I'm a big boy.

Thanks much!
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Best regards,
Tom Test
"The Voice You Trust"
www.tomtest.com
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Monk
King's Row


Joined: 16 Dec 2008
Posts: 1152
Location: Nestled in the Taconic Hills

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 3:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I think somewhere in there you should mention that satisfaction is paramount.

I'm finding that for me, service makes the difference. I want to go to someone and have it all taken care of and be treated well.

With V123, Guru, oDesk and all the other sites out there, I'm trying to cut through the clutter and keep it simple for a producer. Guaranteed satisfaction.

They will be happy working with you and will come back for more.

That's my .02
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Company, villainous company, hath been the spoil of me...

www.monksvoice.com
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CarynClark
MMD


Joined: 28 Feb 2007
Posts: 2697
Location: Fort Myers, FL

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 4:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's my $.02.

It's too long.

They're listening to many demos... they're likely not gonna read all of that.

Basically, I thank them, mention I have my own studio with ISDN and phone patch if they've mentioned that is important to them in the specs, give them my contact info, and tell them to have a nice day.
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Caryn Clark... The Hip Chick Voice!

"A positive mental attitude and having faith in your ability is quite different from being irresponsible and downright stupid." - Dave
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Mandy Nelson
MMD


Joined: 07 Aug 2008
Posts: 2914
Location: Wicked Mainah

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 5:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Having been on your side of wondering if my pitch was right, I'll tell you what I did: I cut it down. A basic thank you, check my site for clients (and I give them direct links to the pages I want them to see, not just my front page with lots of links) and leave it at that. I recently got a job where all I wrote was, "I believe I have the sound you are looking for. Give me demo a listen and contact me with any questions."

Turns out they loved the short and to-the-point. Oh, and my demo.

It's hard to gauge but, just like your voice, it's either right or it's not.
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Manfillappsoc: The Mandy and Philip mutual appreciation Society. Who's in your network?

Have you seen my mic closet? ~ me to my future husband
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JBarrett
M&M


Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 2043
Location: Las Vegas, NV

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

My gut impression (aside from feeling that it's too long, which has been mentioned already) is that it's a bit of a turn-off to have the pitch consist primarily of accomplishments and credits. I forget where I heard this (though I believe it was one of FF's pieces on Voices.com's Voiceover Experts podcast), but clients are less likely to respond favorably when you come at them with a list of your credits and/or credentials, and more likely to respond favorably when you tell them how you can meet their unique needs. The example that Mandy gave is a good one: "I believe I have the sound you're looking for." It directly addresses her ability to solve their problem.

In short, don't tell the client how much YOU look good from all the work you've done. Tell them how THEY can look good by choosing you. It won't guarantee you'll book every gig, but it will likely raise your chances.
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Justin S. Barrett
http://www.justinsbarrett.com/
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Mandy Nelson
MMD


Joined: 07 Aug 2008
Posts: 2914
Location: Wicked Mainah

PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2009 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JBarrett wrote:
The example that Mandy gave is a good one: "I believe I have the sound you're looking for." It directly addresses her ability to solve their problem.


Shut up, that's mine. Heee, no, it's not. Thanks for appreciating it and feel free to use it because I think that we all here at the VO-BB goodness only respond to those leads we have the sound and good for.
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006 member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Mic. Bonded by sound.

Manfillappsoc: The Mandy and Philip mutual appreciation Society. Who's in your network?

Have you seen my mic closet? ~ me to my future husband
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Monk
King's Row


Joined: 16 Dec 2008
Posts: 1152
Location: Nestled in the Taconic Hills

PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 6:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stop looking, I'm your guy. I don't sound like them, I'm unique. My voice won't get lost in the crowd, you're product will be remembered and you'll sell bunches more. I'm famous but that doesn't matter, you matter. I will make you look brilliant. Check out my reel and know that you are fabulous.

Sarcastic

Oooo I like that. "it's not me, it's all about you"
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Company, villainous company, hath been the spoil of me...

www.monksvoice.com
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Tom Test
DC


Joined: 23 Jan 2007
Posts: 629
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: Fri May 29, 2009 9:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Monk, Mandy, Justin and Caryn -

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! I do agree that it's too long, nobody will read it all, and besides that info is on my profile if they wish to take a look. I'll re-tool it and pass it by again early next week.
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Best regards,
Tom Test
"The Voice You Trust"
www.tomtest.com
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